I can’t believe it is almost the end of 2017! I came across a quote the other day by Rumi, “When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”
This quote about sums up my year. It has been one of the hardest years I have had – dealing with the realities of healing cancer, keeping up with my family, and making sure Unbridled Change not only is running but growing to spread its mission. There were moments I have felt that I couldn’t do it any of those things. I have had nagging thoughts of wondering if can I really heal and keep all the things I love together let along moving forward towards a future. What has saved me every time and pulled me back into positive vibes was a deep knowing that everything I do is from my soul. Creating, healing, growing it is all joyous to my soul, even in the rough moments.
When I look back at 2017 I think the most amazing gift I have received from the universe and my friends and family was one of awareness. I’m finally accepting that I have a tribe, a herd, a community. If you have been following my story and blogs in the past you might know that this is not something I was always able to believe in before. Due to past trauma I really only knew how to make connections and attachments so far before I would start to pull back and doubt them. My friends and family have been gracious and have accepted the level of attachment and trust I could give. They all seemed to understand that something was holding me back for a reason and they honored that. Over the years I have worked hard to heal and remove the limiting beliefs that held me separate from the world around me. Just in the past 10 years I have really been able to open up and trust in the world around me. However, something kept pulling me back and holding me at only letting others in 99% of the way.
This year I figured out what my block was. I discovered the missing link was me not loving and having faith in myself at 100%. There was a deep nagging, hidden, little fear that I was not really welcome or included by the world around me because I wasn’t good enough. This fear kept me stuck in the lenses of insecurity and scarcity. I didn’t have this fear all the time. My self-doubt and worries would go away when my soul was in service of others or partnering with horses. In those moments, I found my river of joy and was always able to embrace my true self.
This year I have been working on embracing my true self in every moment of every day, even in the face of adversity. Man has it been hard! I had no idea of how much my muscle of fear was so ingrained and running amok in the background of my subconscious. Some days I succeeded, other days I massively failed. Luckily, the amazing support I have around me has helped prop me back up during those moments. My herd, horse and human, have been there to shield me when the fear was creeping in. Their support has allowed me to be able to make active choices to stay connected as the real me through the ups and downs. I can honestly say that my old limiting belief that connections and attachments can do nothing but hurt me is gone. Now in it’s place, I believe it is through my community and love that I am been able to not only survive what might come my way but thrive and rock out life! Plus, I now feel I’m worth it and good enough to be a part of my community. I found the love song of my soul and it is pretty awesome feeling!
Not a bad gift from 2017 right 😉
During this holiday season my wish for you is – may you find the song of your soul, believe in it, and follow it to your joy!
Blessing and I’ll be seeing you in 2018!